The Boy Next Door (2015)
If you are a man, one of the trade-offs for being in a relationship with members of the opposite sex is that occasionally you have to watch garbage like this. Most of the time it’s not that big of a deal. If all chick flicks were as horrendous as “The Boy Next Door” it would make it a much different matter. Jennifer Lopez plays a boring estranged housewife with a cheating husband, who stupidly decides to screw the attractive psycho teenager next door. Said psycho teenager spends the rest of the film engaging in stupid horror movie clichés to, I guess, win her back. Everything in this movie is telegraphed from a mile away, and what little suspense there is highly manipulated. This is a movie that would feel right at home on the Lifetime network, which if she keeps cranking out films of this caliber, may be the next stop in Lopez’s career. There is a scene early on in this movie that is so stupid it almost deserves an award. Before all the sex and insanity begin, Lopez’s teenage crush gifts her with a book, a Victorian leather bound copy of The Iliad. Lopez’s character, supposedly an English Literature teacher, exclaims “A first edition!”… Yes folks, an amazing leather bound first edition of a work that was written well over a thousand years before the invention of the printing press. At this point the focus of the movie should shift from the inane regurgitated stalker plot to revealing how this time traveling mystery man acquired this astonishing artifact. My wife owes me one for this.