Road House is one of the best lousy movies of all time. It can be enjoyed on many levels too, such as the “Plan 9 From Outer Space” laugh yourself silly at how lousy it is level, the standard “turn off your brain” action movie level, a time capsule of goofy 1980s clothing and hairstyles level, and even a pseudo philosophical level too! That’s more levels than they sell at your local hardware store.
Anyway, the plot, for lack of a better term; The Double Deuce is the roughest, toughest, and ugliest bar in the entire southern United States. Hardly a night goes by where the place doesn’t get ransacked by drunken asshats.
Enter Dalton (Patrick Swayze) the man who has been hired to clean it up and turn it into a respectable watering hole. Swayze breezes on in this movie hilariously quoting the greats of western philosophy, and lecturing fellow would be badasses on the fine arts of bar bouncing.
If nothing else this movie teaches young people what a PhD in philosophy can get you out in the real world, but aside from that luckily enough Dally also has a PhD in putting his foot up people’s asses as well. And there’s plenty of business for said foot in this movie as the local town baddie, played by Ben Gazzara has the entire community in a slimy death grip.
To battle the Big Boss’s evil army of Rent-A-Goons, Dalton enlists the help of a few friends of his own, including a fellow “legendary bouncer” played by grizzled western hard-ass Sam Elliot.
In between sporadic bouts of kicking the holy dogshite out of random douchebags, Dalton also manages time to romance the local town Doctor, played by Kelly Lynch.
It was recently announced that this movie is being remade with UFC star Ronda Rousey taking over the lead role. While it would be nearly impossible to outdo this over the top masterpiece, here’s hoping that remake will at least do justice to this timeless piece of cinematic Americana.
Road House gets a four out of five: GREAT.